“Party Planning on a Budget Part 1” offered tips on how to trim costs and tamp down the ever growing list of expenses when it comes to throwing a shindig to remember. Unfortunately, now that we are a bit deeper into the planning process (though all we have secured are a location and DJ, I have done a lot of research), I realize that even with following my own tips, the little things will add up very quickly and leave me saying, "Budget? What budget?" Perhaps that's why I took an extended break from planning (and hence blogging about planning) - I would like to bury my head in the sand and just not think about draining my bank account for one night.
Perhaps if I didn’t attempt to follow a budget, costs would seriously spiral out of control, easily topping the $40,000 mark. So, maybe I am accomplishing something. But, it’s frustrating and a tad scary that once you commit to a certain type of party (a traditional bar mitzvah), you are really locked in. Deposits are paid and who wants to lose $1,000, if not more? Not I. Should we have looked into hosting a simple luncheon? Perhaps, but that is not what my son, D, wants and since it’s a celebration honoring his passage into manhood, who am I to deny him? OK, that last statement makes me sound like the most indulgent parent on the planet, as if I give in to my kids’ every whim – budget be damned. But, that is certainly not the case. Just ask my kids. They’ll tell you that I deny them plenty. Super fancy sneakers - $40 sneakers from the Nike outlet are just as good as $140 sneakers from a fancy boutique; a 50 inch flat screen; beach vacations; dinners out every week – the list goes on. But, despite what D. thinks, I want his party to reflect him – to be exactly what he has dreamed about. I don’t want him to think his friends’ parties were all better. But, I know that’s inevitable.
After every affair, D. tells me how many dancers there were at the party. Last weekend he arrived home from a bar mitzvah and the first words out of his mouth were, “Three dancers!” No, “Hello,” just “Three dancers!” If you read my first post, you know that we aren’t planning on having dancers. One DJ actually said to me that not having dancers is a disaster waiting to happen (we didn’t book them). My sister cautioned me that the party will be boring without dancers. And, D. really wants dancers. So, I may have to cut something else out – like the Pop – A – Shot game we were planning on getting, along with one or two other arcade games. Something has to go.
I feel terrible – so guilty – that I can’t give D. the party he wants, when he attends a lavish fete almost every weekend. If we lived anywhere else, the party we are planning would be considered over the top – but not on Long Island. I told a friend in Massachusetts about the dancers and she was incredulous. “Why would you need dancers?” she asked, followed by, “That’s crazy!” Anywhere else spending $40,000 on a party is unheard of – here it’s the norm. I want that $40,000 (if I even had that kind of extra cash) to go to a bigger house. But, D. just knows that he wants a party like his friends. I so wish I could give it to him, but I just can’t. He’s not a spoiled kid either. He’s a hard worker, making high honor roll for the first two quarters this year (and getting straight A’s every quarter since fifth grade. He will be taking high school math, science and art in eighth grade next year – placing into all of the advanced classes available. He is polite and all of his teachers love him. All of which makes it that much harder to deny him.
The other day I said to my husband that we would be comfortable financially if we lived somewhere else – pretty much anywhere else. I regularly dream about picking up and moving to say, Florida. I fantasize about the warm weather and lower house payments, a more laid back lifestyle. But, then I realize that I’ll never move – it’s just that, a fantasy. I would love to transplant my family to sunny Florida, where keeping up Joneses (or more appropriately, keeping up with the Steins), is not a competitive sport (or at least not as much of a competitive sport). According to Wikipedia, the movie Keeping Up with the Steins is “a commentary on how too many Jewish families see a bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah not as a coming of age for their son or daughter, but rather as an excuse to throw outrageously lavish parties.” Maybe I should rent that movie again and make D. watch it with me. I won’t say what happens, in case any of my readers haven’t seen it and wish to – but, I think it might put things in perspective. Then again, it might not. Once a kid starts going to party after party with each one topping the one before, it’s hard to scale back and go simple. But, I’m going to try. My wallet and sanity demand it.